Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, a time when people share their true feelings with loved ones. Donald Trump is no exception, and I happened to stumble across a series of presidential poems he penned while using all the best words.

To my daughter Ivanka:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

And if you weren’t my daughter

You know what I would do.

 

To Jared Kushner:

My son-in-law, you’re such a prince

In stature and appearance

But why do all my people fail

To gain security clearance?

 

To Vladimir Putin:

I know you didn’t meddle, Vlad

Those steely eyes don’t lie

No matter what the haters say

You’ll always be my guy.

 

To Rob Porter:

It was really great to work with you

Though days were filled with strife

We could have lasted longer

If you didn’t beat your wife.

 

To Steve Bannon:

Your ruddy cheeks, your bloodshot eyes

Your clothes were such a mess

And if that wasn’t bad enough

You’re a racist white supremacist.

 

To Melania Trump:

My love, my gorgeous trophy wife

You always look so stately

I’m grateful you’re still here because

I know deep down you hate me.

 

To Sean Hannity:

What would I do without you?

You always have my back

Though I pretend to like you

You really are a hack.

 

To my Hair:

Alas, you have abandoned me

What’s left is straw and feather

And when I walk to Air Force One

I curse the windy weather.

 

To Stormy Daniels:

You’re doing all the talk shows now

You’ve gained so much exposure

But time to shut your trap because

You signed a non-disclosure.

 

To Robert Mueller:

There’s never been collusion, Bob,

Of this I’m sure you know

If you insist on probing me

I’ll have to let you go.

 

To Vice President Mike Pence:

Oh Mike, the way you gaze at me

Such slavish deep devotion

If Mueller gets the goods on me

Good luck with your promotion

 

To Chief of Staff John Kelly:

We thought you were the grown-up, John

Your sway was unencumbered

But since you’ve put your foot in it

Your days are surely numbered.

 

To Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

Your briefings are a work of art

Your praise could not be nicer

And even though you lie like heck

You’re better than Sean Spicer.

 

To Attorney General Jeff Sessions:

You’re lucky you still have a job

Of this you must concede

Perhaps you’d be more pleasant

If you smoked a little weed.

 

To Kellyanne Conway:

Your blatant fibs inspire me

You always find me blameless

I hope you never change because

You really are quite shameless.

 

To My Base:

You’re the ones who know the truth

I never have colluded

It’s easy to convince you as

You’re hopelessly deluded.

 

To my parents:

I miss you more than words can say

Your cash always supported me

And this is why I curse all those

Who wish you had aborted me.